


miya atsumu's guide to exploiting your friends for views (not clickbait)

by fakecharliebrown



Series: big gay hq youtuber extravaganza [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Chatting & Messaging, Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Nonbinary Hinata Shouyou, Nonbinary Kita Shinsuke, Nonbinary Suna Rintarou, Polyamory, Team as Family, Trans Miya Osamu, Twitter, YouTube, continually pushing my 'kita shinsuke is perfection' agenda, theyre all gay and in love i dont make the rules, theyre all stupid and i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28743531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakecharliebrown/pseuds/fakecharliebrown
Summary: “You could do something with one of your other high school friends,” Kiyoomi says. “Even if you do something you’ve done in previous videos, at the very least the viewers haven’t met most of your old friends.”Atsumu considers this for a moment. “Omi,” he declares, “yer a genius. I love ya.”or; Atsumu is out of video ideas, so he decides to exploit his high school friends.
Relationships: Akagi Michinari/Oomimi Ren, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Kita Shinsuke/Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Miya Atsumu & Inarizaki Volleyball Club
Series: big gay hq youtuber extravaganza [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107275
Comments: 10
Kudos: 95





	miya atsumu's guide to exploiting your friends for views (not clickbait)

**Author's Note:**

> lmfao
> 
> there is a groupchat later on in this so the names are as follows:  
> miya atsumu - big ass mirror  
> miya osamu - rice. your thoughts?  
> suna rintarou - uwu  
> ginjima hitoshi - gin  
> akagi michinari - token gremlin  
> aran ojiro - perfect father figure  
> kita shinsuke - KITA SAN <3  
> oomimi ren - oomimi can't think of a cool nickname

**miya atsumu | stan shouyou n omi omi** **_@bettermiya_ **

im probably gonna regret this but drop some future video ideas 

**Miya Osamu | Onigiri Miya** **_@onigirimiya_ **

_replying to_ **_@bettermiya_ **

lazy piece of shit

|

 **miya atsumu | stan shouyou n omi omi** **_@bettermiya_ **

_replying to_ **_@onigirimiya_ **

leave me alone even i can’t be creative 24/7

|

 **Miya Osamu | Onigiri Miya** **_@onigirimiya_ **

_replying to_ **_@bettermiya_ **

nothing u have ever done has been creative

|

 **kita shinsuke** **_@kitakitsune_ **

_replying to_ **_@bettermiya, @onigirimiya_ **

stop twitter fighting or i’ll call your mom. 

-

“Shouyou,” Atsumu whines, dropping his head into Shouyou’s lap as he flops down on the couch. Shouyou’s hand immediately moves to run their fingers through his hair, not even looking away from where they’d been scrolling Twitter. “ _Shouyou.”_

_“_ What’s the matter, Atsumu?” Shouyou asks. Atsumu squints, watching them retweet something Kageyama posted the other day. 

Atsumu whines again. “I don’t have any good video ideas, but it’s my turn to post a solo video as per the posting schedule.”

Shouyou hums. “That’s rough, buddy.”

Atsumu whines very loudly, which finally seems to snap Shouyou’s attention away from their phone for long enough to properly sympathize with him. They turn to look down at him, their hand still buried in his hair, and tilt their head to the side, smiling. 

“Didn’t you make that tweet asking your followers for advice?” they ask. 

Atsumu sniffs. “Yeah, but I don’t expect any of ‘em to come up with anythin’ good.”

“Then why did you bother asking?” a new voice remarks, entering the living room where Atsumu is _trying_ to have a moment with Shouyou. He’s displeased until he lifts his head and sees Kiyoomi entering the room, crossing to sit on the other end of the couch opposite Atsumu and Shouyou. He sips a mug of what is most likely the bitterest of black coffee, dark enough to sear even Bokuto’s soul, as he pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket. Atsumu nudges him, prompting him to pat Atsumu’s leg sympathetically for a second before reclaiming his personal space. 

Atsumu hums happily at the attention, snuggling closer to Shouyou. Shouyou squirms. 

“Gah, Atsumu, don’t press so hard,” they mumble. “You know I bruise like a peach.”

“Sorry,” Atsumu says, meaning absolutely none of it.

“What usually gets the viewers excited?” Kiyoomi asks, most likely scrolling through Twitter just like Shouyou was. Atsumu’s significant others have very boring couch habits. 

“I dunno,” Atsumu replies. “Guest stars. They really like Aran, for some reason.”

“They like Aran because he’s a nice guy,” Kiyoomi retorts. “I haven’t the faintest idea why they stick around for _you.”_

Atsumu kicks him. 

“Why don’t you invite Aran to do a video?” Shouyou suggests. “He almost never says no.”

Atsumu wrinkles his nose. It isn’t that he doesn’t _want_ to do another video with Aran; working with Aran is always a good time. The problem, of course, is simply that he doesn’t know _what_ they would do. He voices as much to his two datemates, both of whom hum contemplatively. Shouyou and Kiyoomi are more similar than Atsumu had initially realized when he first met the both of them, but it’s endearing to see them take similar traits—thoughtful, clever, _pretty—_ in two drastically different ways. Atsumu likes to joke that together, the three of them make up the gay alignments: Kiyoomi, the distinguished gay; Shouyou, the functional gay; and finally Atsumu, the lowly disaster. 

“You could do something with one of your other high school friends,” Kiyoomi says. “Even if you do something you’ve done in previous videos, at the very least the viewers haven’t met most of your old friends.” 

Atsumu considers this for a moment. “Omi,” he declares, “yer a genius. I love ya.”

Kiyoomi rolls his eyes, but Atsumu still sees the light flush dusting his cheeks that he can’t hide. He hums, pulling out his phone to text the group chat at the same time Shouyou resumes their Twitter scrolling.

“Geez,” Bokuto says, walking by with a mug of what smells like hot chocolate and _looks_ like his infamous 'hot chocolate with every kind of dessert syrup I could find in the fridge complete with marshmallows, sprinkles, and a whipped cream tower taller than the mug itself.' In essence, it reminds Atsumu of what a cavity would look like outside of a person’s tooth. “You guys really are couch potatoes!”

“Datemates who Twitter scroll together stay together,” Kiyoomi says immediately, making Shouyou snicker and Atsumu grin. Bokuto stares at them for a few moments longer before he ultimately shrugs. 

“Have fun Twitter scrolling!” he says. “I’m off to go video chat with Akaashi!”

Kiyoomi raises an eyebrow. 

Atsumu tips his head back in Shouyou’s lap to look at Bokuto, prompting a small hiss of pain out of Shouyou as Atsumu’s head digs into their thigh. “Can’t ya just go see Akaashi in person? He lives, like, five minutes away.”

“I could,” Bokuto agrees. “But I’m lazy.”

Well. Can’t argue with that.

As soon as Bokuto has disappeared down the hallway toward his bedroom, Atsumu turns his attention back to his phone and frowns. “What was I doing? Oh, right.”

-

_messaging_ **_a gaggle of gays_ **

**big ass mirror**

ok so hear me out

**rice. your thoughts?**

no

**big ass mirror**

I HAVENT EVEN SAID ANYTHING YET

**rice. your thoughts?**

whatever it is i want no part of it

**big ass mirror**

ok then die i’m not here for u anyway assclown

**perfect father figure**

Was there something you needed, Atsumu?

**big ass mirror**

this is why aran is my favorite

**big ass mirror**

i need all of u to be in my next youtube video

**uwu**

no

**rice. your thoughts?**

no

**KITA SAN <3**

we’ll do it.

**uwu**

rude

**rice. your thoughts?**

rude

**big ass mirror**

to be clear

**big ass mirror**

i think it would be fun if i like,,,,,,,,recorded a big ol video call or smth, gettin the gays back together 

**_oomimi can’t think of a cool nickname_ ** _has changed the chat name to_ **_gettin the gays back together_ **

**big ass mirror**

stay focused oomimi

**big ass mirror**

u dont have to have ur camera on if u don’’t want to

**big ass mirror**

and u can just vibe in the chat if u dont want the internet gremlins to have access to ur voices

**big ass mirror**

except for samu im forcing him to come with his camera and mic on he has no choice in this matter

**rice. your thoughts?**

OI

**KITA SAN <3**

that’s fine.

**token gremlin**

lmfao osamu is whipped for two (2) people now

**gin**

ok but so is atsumu

**gin**

it just so happens that atsumus s/os arent here to embarrass him like osamus are

**big ass mirror**

how did this get turned on me

**rice. your thoughts?**

everything gets turned on u eventually

**rice. your thoughts?**

u just leave urself wide open for attack at all hours of the day

**big ass mirror**

i cant believe i lovingly create this groupchat for u and this is how im treated

**perfect father figure**

I made this groupchat.

**big ass mirror**

i know but im trying to be dramatic here

**rice. your thoughts?**

why are you so fucking stupid

**KITA SAN <3**

stop twitter fighting or i’ll call your mom.

**big ass mirror**

but this isnt twitter

**KITA SAN <3**

ok fine stop groupchat fighting or ill call your mom.

**big ass mirror**

ANYWAY am i correct in assuming we are all on board with my brilliant video idea that isnt lazy at all 

**oomimi can’t think of a cool nickname**

Yes.

**token gremlin**

it is Spoken

**token gremlin**

oomimis word is law

**token gremlin**

only kita is above him

**token gremlin**

the court will now hear from kita

**KITA SAN <3**

seems like fun. 

**token gremlin**

It Is Spoken

**token gremlin**

meeting adjourned

**big ass mirror**

HEY U CANT ADJOURN THE MEETING IM THE ONE THAT GATHERED ALL OF U

**big ass mirror**

and theyre all offline

**big ass mirror**

typical

-

“Nobody bother me for several hours!” Atsumu shouts, carrying his laptop up to his room. Pausing in the doorway, he amends, “‘Cept for Shouyou. Shouyou can do whatever they want. But nobody else bother me 'til I come out!”

“We already know you’re gay!” Bokuto hollers back. In the distance, Atsumu can hear Shouyou snickering at his expense. Sighing, Atsumu rolls his eyes and strides into his room, kicking the door shut behind himself.

Once settled at his desk, he opens his laptop and pulls up the video chat application. He’ll record his intro later—for now, he needs to make sure everything is set up to record before he invites all of his friends to the call. 

-

_The video opens on Atsumu sitting at the usual desk set-up he uses in solo videos, waving cheerfully and offering the camera a bright smile and a peace sign._

_“Heya!” he greets. “It’s yer favorite artificial blond, back again with a solo video. Today, I’ll be joined by quite a few guests to create a video for y’all, as I’m sure ya gleaned from the title. I’m introducin’ ya to all my old friends! Over video chat, ‘cause we’re all lazy bums. Also, be sure to check out the channel merch! I’ll link it…now!”_

_Abruptly, the video cuts away to a plain black screen with a link typed across in bold, white text. After a few seconds, smaller text appears above it with a flashing arrow, saying ‘click me.’_

_The video cuts back to Atsumu at his desk. “Without further ado, check out me ‘n all my friends!”_

_The screen fades to black, fading up on a video call with eight members present. One of them has their mic and camera off, showing only their icon. Of the ones that are visible, there’s Atsumu, Osamu, Aran, Suna, and Kita, as well as two new faces. Aran appears to be working on something, his attention focused somewhere offscreen. Kita is nestled among a multitude of blankets and pillows, a mug of coffee clutched in their hands. Suna appears to be lounging in their usual video set-up, their feet kicked up on the desk and their headset slightly askew. Atsumu is seated at his desk, fidgeting with a pencil. Osamu is laying sideways on a couch, a bag of chips propped up in the crook of his elbow. One of the new people is sitting calmly at what is most likely a desk, wearing earbuds. The other one is laying with his chin propped up on a pillow, the background revealing he’s in a bedroom._

_“Heya,” Atsumu greets. “Alright losers, say hello to the people.”_

_At once, everyone choruses, “Hello to the people.”_

_Atsumu glares. “Seriously? It’s one thing to do it in the group-chat all the time, but do y’all gotta clown me in my own videos?”_

_“You brought us here,” Aran points out. He holds something up, squinting at it. It becomes apparent he’s been working on a jigsaw puzzle._

_“Just introduce yerselves,” Atsumu grumbles, huffing._

_“I’ll start!” the one leaning on a pillow declares. The video zooms in to show only his face, text appearing above his head declaring him AKAGI MICHINARI (HE/HIM). “I’m Akagi Michinari! I love dogs and Oomimi.”_

_The other new face blinks several times in rapid succession, the only sign that he’s flustered. He clears his throat. “I’ll go next.” As with Akagi, the video zooms in on his face and labels him OOMIMI REN (HE/HIM). “I’m Oomimi.”_

_“How bland of ya,” Atsumu drawls. Oomimi frowns, at the same time Atsumu laughs gleefully. “The best part about this is that none of ya can hit me when I say somethin’ rude!”_

_Osamu, a chip half-raised to his mouth, points to his camera and says, “Don’t test me.”_

_Atsumu sticks his tongue out. "'Samu, ya slob, yer binder's showin'."_

_"Tragic," Osamu drawls, shoving a chip in his mouth and making no move to adjust his shirt._

_Kita squints at the camera. "Why're ya wearin' a binder when yer just layin' around the house? You'll damage yer ribs; go change."_

_A chat notification pops up._

**_SUNA:_ ** _i second this notion_

_"The people have spoken," Akagi declares. "Off Osamu goes into the foreign land of his closet, probably to find a hoodie."_

_Osamu grumbles. His camera turns off, presumably as he gets up to go change._

_“Anyway, I’ll introduce myself, even though I think all yer viewers already know me,” Aran volunteers. When the camera zooms in on him, he’s labeled DAD FRIEND (HE/HIM). “I’m Aran Ojiro. And before y’all flood the comments and Atsumu inevitably begs me over text—no, I won’t join the MSBY channel. Occasional gust appearances are enough for me, thanks.”_

_“Boring,” Atsumu pouts._

_“My turn?” Kita asks, sipping their coffee. They are labeled KITA-SAN (THEY/THEM) followed by an absurd amount of heart emojis. “I’m Kita Shinsuke. I have the twins’ mother on speed dial to threaten them with when they get annoyin’.”_

_“Rude,” Osamu huffs, turning his camera back on. Just as Akagi said, he's wearing a bright yellow hoodie with the Lay's chips logo plastered across the chest. He pops a chip in his mouth, at the same time a label appears declaring him JERK (HE/HIM), complete with a picture of a thumbs-down photoshopped over his head._

_Suna is introduced with their name, in parentheses JERK IN TRAINING (THEY/THEM), and finally it cuts back to Atsumu grinning and saying, “The last one’s a mystery.”_

_A chat notification appears._

**_GIN_ ** _: youre an idiot. my name is gin. he/him_

_Atsumu pouts. “Why do y’all gotta take the fun outta everythin’?”_

_“It’s more fun for us this way,” Suna drawls. Atsumu huffs and slumps back in his chair._

_“How’s yer puzzle comin’, Aran?” Kita asks. Aran grins and sends the camera a thumbs-up._

_“Good!” he replies. “I think I’m finally almost done with it.”_

_“Can we acknowledge the elephant in the room?” Oomimi cuts in. Everyone goes silent, looking at him on their individual screens. “Gin, what the fuck is wrong with your icon?”_

_The screen cuts away to zoom in on Gin’s icon, showing that it’s a very close-up photo of a goose staring head-on into the camera. Small text at the bottom of the screen—Atsumu's editing commentary—reads ‘what the fuck.’_

_A chat notification appears._

**_GIN_ ** _: goose :)_

_“Thanks,” Oomimi deadpans. “That clears up nothing.”_

_“Wait, everyone shut up!” Atsumu exclaims, scrolling through something on his phone. “I just found a Buzzfeed quiz that will tell me what percent dateable I am!”_

_“This should be good,” Suna mutters._

_At the same time, Osamu shovels a handful of chips in his mouth and says, “If ya don’t get a zero I’m callin’ bullshit.”_

_“Shut up, ‘Samu,” Atsumu huffs. “I’m gonna take it.”_

_“I will too,” Kita says. “It seems interestin'.”_

_Akagi snickers. “I didn’t take ya for the Buzzfeed type, Kita.”_

_Kita hums. “I’ve been known to dabble in the occasional Buzzfeed quiz.”_

_Through a mouthful of chips, Osamu interjects, “That’s fancy-talk for 'they take Buzzfeed quizzes to fall asleep.'”_

_“Osamu, you aren’t supposed to expose our datemate,” Suna chastises. “Save it for the resident idiot.”_

_Obviously more focused on his phone than the chat, Atsumu asks, “Who’s the idiot?”_

_The call goes painfully silent. Atsumu looks up. It takes a moment before he realizes, grumbling._

_“Y’all are literally so rude,” he huffs._

_“We pride ourselves on it,” Akagi says cheerfully._

_At the same time, Aran says, “We learned from the best.”_

_A chat notification appears._

**_GIN:_ ** _damn bro just got double roasted_

_“Thanks so much for your input, Gin,” Atsumu drawls. “Anyway, I finished the quiz. Let’s find out what my results are.” There’s a brief pause as it loads, before Atsumu cries out in what sounds like agony. Osamu, half-asleep on the couch, startles awake and glares at the camera. “It says I’m 0% dateable!”_

_“Called it,” Osamu mumbles._

_Atsumu sniffs. “I am literally happily dating two entire people, but whatever. This quiz is rigged. I bet it tells everyone they’re 0%.”_

_A chat notification pops up._

**_GIN:_ ** _"entire" he says, as apposed to two sort-of people_

_“We can easily find out if your theory is accurate,” Suna points out. “Kita, what did you get?”_

_Kita takes a moment to respond, frowning at their phone, before they look up and say, “100%.”_

_Osamu snickers._

_“That’s not fair,” Atsumu whines. “Kita’s not a good judgement! Everybody loves Kita!”_

_“Even non-sentient Buzzfeed quizzes?” Aran asks, raising an eyebrow._

_“Obviously,” Atsumu retorts. “Someone else take it!”_

_“I just did,” Osamu says. “It says I’m 57% dateable.”_

_“Moral of the story is that Atsumu sucks and nobody should date him,” Suna drawls. “Tune in next week to see what other insecurity of Atsumu’s we can pick apart until one day we completely destroy his self-esteem so much that he deletes his channel and all other forms of social media, thus indicating that we have won the ever-present struggle of Atsumu vs. the world.”_

_Nobody speaks for several moments._

_“I hate it here,” Atsumu declares._

_Osamu grins. “How long ya been waitin’ to say all that?”_

_“Two weeks,” Suna replies._

_“This was a horrible idea,” Atsumu says._

_“I coulda told ya that,” Kita tells him._

_Atsumu just sighs._

_-_

**miya atsumu | stan shouyou n omi omi** **_@bettermiya_ **

new video up! featuring all my insufferable high school friends <3 i’ll link to their accounts in the replies bc i genuinely dont have enough characters for it all to go in this tweet lmao _[link attached]_

**miya atsumu | stan shouyou n omi omi** **_@bettermiya_ **

_replying to_ **_@bettermiya_ **

**_@onigirimiya @aranojiro @gremlinakagi @oomimir @rintarous @kitakitsune @ginthegoose_ **

  
  
  


**anna!! crumbling to dust** **_@rinpannaer_ **

yall. this premium clown-tsumu content. we have been FED

  
  
  


**(about school) ive had enough of this dude** **_@caiizu_ **

its good to see that the friend group recognizes kita for the ethereal, perfect being they are

**_Miya Osamu, sunarin., miya atsumu | stan shouyou n omi omi, Aran Ojiro, Oomimi Ren, akagi :3,_ ** _and_ **_others_ ** _liked_

**_Miya Osamu_ ** _and_ **_sunarin._ ** _retweeted_

  
  


_-_

_messaging_ **_gettin the gays back together_ **

**uwu**

gin the ppl love u and ur goose

**gin**

as they should

**big ass mirror**

what is it with u and geese man

**gin**

what ISNT it with u and geese

**big ass mirror**

,

**KITA SAN <3**

may i ask why everyone keeps implying i’m perfect?

**rice. your thoughts?**

bc u are

**uwu**

rt

**big ass mirror**

rt

**gin**

rt

**oomimi cant think of a cool nickname**

rt

**perfect father figure**

rt

**token gremlin**

rt

**KITA SAN <3**

i am literally just sitting here.

**rice. your thoughts?**

perfectly <33

-

At the sound of a knock on his bedroom door, Atsumu spins around in his desk chair to face the rest of the room and calls, “Come in.”

Shouyou pokes their head into the room, offering him a small smile. They step into the room, Kiyoomi close behind, and take their seat on Atsumu’s bed. 

“How’d the video go over?” they ask. Kiyoomi sits down on the bed and pulls out his phone, apparently just there to be included and not because he actually wants to talk to either of them. 

“Good,” Atsumu replies, spinning in his chair with his eyes on the ceiling. “I think the people like it when my friends clown me.”

“If that were true, we would get a lot more views on our videos solely because of all the times I call you a fucking dumbass,” Kiyoomi drawls. “I bet it’s Kita. Everybody loves Kita.”

“True,” Shouyou and Atsumu chorus. The three of them lapse into silence for a few moments, Atsumu returning his gaze to the ceiling. 

“How long d'ya think it'll be until we start getting comments asking to let one or all of 'em join the channel?” Atsumu asks.

“At least an hour,” Shouyou guesses. 

Atsumu’s phone chimes, signaling a comment on the latest video. 

“Or one second,” Shouyou says, laughing slightly. “That works, too.” 

Atsumu grins, silencing his phone and climbing onto the bed with the two of them. Kiyoomi scowls, but still moves over to make room for Atsumu between himself and Shouyou. Shouyou immediately latches onto Atsumu like a koala, claiming their favorite position as the big spoon. Atsumu offers his pinkie to Kiyoomi, who huffs and takes Atsumu’s hand in an effort to join the cuddle pile. He isn’t nearly as touchy as Atsumu and Shouyou are, but he tries, and that’s all Atsumu could really ask for, anyway. 

Humming, Atsumu squeezes Kiyoomi’s hand. “On the bright side, I don’t hafta come up with another solo video ‘til next month.”

“I bet you’ll just end up doing this again,” Kiyoomi replies. “Lazy bastard.”

Shouyou laughs. “Aw, we could end up having a series on the channel! Like real YouTubers!”

“Is the monthly paycheck not enough to make us real YouTubers?” Kiyoomi drawls. 

“Don’t kill their fun,” Atsumu says, poking Kiyoomi’s side. Kiyoomi just rolls his eyes. Atsumu stifles a yawn. “‘M tired.”

“So go to sleep!” Shouyou replies, squeezing his waist. “I’ll protect you from the big, bad YouTube comment monster.”

Atsumu snorts. “Whatever ya say, Shouyou.”

He never used to take naps before the three of them got together, but now it’s like every time he’s in Shouyou’s arms or holding Kiyoomi’s hand, his mind is so at ease, it puts him to sleep. But Atsumu doesn’t mind the warm fuzzy feeling, so he just snuggles closer to Shouyou, squeezing Kiyoomi’s hand once more, and allows sleep to take him. 

-

_messaging_ **_gettin the gays back together_ **

**uwu**

how much u wanna bet that atsumus doing something gay rn

**Author's Note:**

> im pushing many different agendas in this fic and they are as follows:  
> sunaosakita  
> nonbinary kita  
> nonbinary hinata  
> nonbinary suna  
> sakuatsuhina  
> oomimi/akagi  
> kita shinsuke is perfection  
> inarizaki team as family dynamic  
> trans osamu 
> 
> i lvoe it here
> 
> thanks to my friends making guest appearances against their will <33 i didnt ask them this time <33
> 
> if u liked this fic be sure to like comment and subscribe ;) 
> 
> be gay do crime see u next time
> 
> and as always, come hang out w me on tumblr @fake-charliebrown, twt @fakecharlieb, or check out my [carrd](https://fakecharliebrown.carrd.co/)


End file.
